It's not a fetish if you're truly in love.

Writing a rave review of the IBM Model M is so common among geeks, especially programmers and word-addicts like professional writers, that it has almost become passé, but it's still somewhat a rite of passage. And, considering I've been computing since the late 80s, one would think that I'd have done it by this time.

For some reason, up until now, I never got around to writing about my Model M fetish—er, love affair. Which, I suppose, is less suprising for me if we take into account the fact that it didn't really start until early in college.

As I mentioned earlier, I've been computing since the late 80s—fortunately, my dad's work required that he be assigned a computer, which was still a rare thing in the Philippines back then. If I remember correctly, that was how I first got introduced to this beast of a keyboard. Of course, being merely a kid at the time, I didn't know I was dealing with royalty, and paid no particular heed. All I remember of my impressions then is the fact that I was a little bit scared of the thing, what with its incessant clicking and clacking.

Fast forward about a decade later, and I'm in my room, dabbling in programming in the middle of the night. I was using the membrane keyboard I got with my first ever computer; an AT-model keyboard of an unremembered brand. It was pretty good, for a non-mechanical keyboard. That was around the time I was introduced to my first keyboard love: the Happy Hacking Keyboard Lite—and, by extension, I suppose, its younger sibling, the Happy Hacking Keyboard Lite 2. (Sample reviews here (HHK) and here (HHKL2).)

Sadly, being barely out of high school, and pretty much unemployable, I couldn't afford to pay shipping and handling, let alone the keyboard itself. (The HHK Lite was to be phased out several years later, to be replaced by the current model, the HHK Lite 2. I like the younger sibling, but the older one looked more badass.)

Being broke and unable to get a job until several years later didn't stop me from exploring the until-then-unknown-to-me vast field that is keyboard technology. Like just about everyone else, I thought a keyboard was a keyboard was a keyboard. I was dazzled by how a keyboard looked, with nary a thought as to how it worked underneath. It wasn't until I read and tried to understand the HHK specs that I began to have a clue that I'm missing something important.

While Googling for the best keyboard ever, I noticed that there was one name that kept coming up, which got me interested. Only a few pages had (a bunch of low-res) photos, as well as general descriptions. of the fabled best keyboard ever, which triggered a vague feeling of "I feel like I ought to know what they're talking about." Of course, with Google Images barely off the ground at the time (and the idea of looking at high-res photos on the Web then confined to less-than-megapixel images), the vague feeling remained just that.

It wouldn't be for another few years before I manage to pry my childhood memories compartment open enough for the memory (of the sheer joy!) of using the hallowed Model M to come back out. I remembered how sturdy it was, how unyielding it felt to my ignorant explorations, how tough and how safe it made me feel.

Yes, that's right: I would go gay for this keyboard.

So what is it about this keyboard exactly that has made more than a few geeks consider going gay for it, as well?

Model Ms were made to last

How often does a piece of technology stay relevant for more than 2 decades? The computer rig I used in preschool (when I first got my hands on a Model M): a 386DX with a couple of megs of RAM and a few dozen megs of disk space, plus to 3-1/2 floppy drives—is hardly fit to be a gateway these days, let alone an everyday computer. That is, if you can even manage to find a completely working one. (And forget about replacement parts!)

Model M keyboards, even the first ones built in the mid 80s (the FAQ on clickykeyboards.com states that the earliest verified model was manufactured on December 1985), have survived to this day, taking the pounding of eager fingers, and are showing no signs of giving up.

My own Model M, manufactured on 06 February, 1995 (meaning, it's more than 15 years old as of this writing), has been serving me faithfully for over a year now. The guys I've worked with in my previous gig have seen me drop it, bang my head on it, bash it with my fingers while writing a passioned treatise defending the ill-understood and hotly contested House Bill 5043 that I ought to republish here (Update: Essay republished.). All aside from my normal daily usage of around 85-90 WPM. Barring unholy accidents, such as—oh, I don't know—a grenade blast not 5 feet away (I fully believe it will survive a grenade blast as long as it's at least 20 feet away), I can easily see my keyboard staying with me for another 15 years at the very least.

This keyboard is so tough and heavy, I can beat in the heads of anyone I don't like, then proceed to blog about. After wiping away the blood, of course. I can also probably use this as a shield against low-calibre pistols—not that I'm itching to be given the chance to do so.

Model Ms, even the ones not directly manufactured by IBM, are this tough because they were made to last. The metal baseplate included in every unit are there to support the innards of the whole thing, and pretty much guarantees that your keyboard will not slip and slide all over your table while you're using it. The keycaps are high-quality plastic that I simply cannot bend without the help of a sturdy pair of pliers, and the keyswitches are so top-notch, I would bet good money that this unit I'm using hasn't had to have any of its keyswitches replaced in its lifetime.

So, when I said that the Model M represents the absolute pinnacle of keyboard technology, know that I was not exaggerating. At all. (Okay, maybe a tiny little bit.)

Model Ms were made to be used

What could be more utilitarian that a beige keyboard with black text on 101 off-white/grey keys?

Model Ms have none of the frills of the newer made-to-be-bundled keyboards, like Windows keys, or power management keys littered where they can easily be accidentally hit, or, ghod forbid, remapping the Function keys up top to frivolities (which ought to be a hanging offense, by the way).

All of its keys have full travel, which to a... er, passionate typer like me, means much more room to express hatred when typing. And the double-click each key generates, which you'll either love or hate, are a ghod-send for those who can type without having to look at each individual key.

There are actually anecdotes relating how a clicky keyboard's clicking have helped improve their typing speeds: because a click-clack on a Model M occurs only on activation, when you hear it, you can be confident that you've actually managed to type something. Opposed to the mushy, trash keyboards, which I've always had to double-check at times, when I had to spend a split-second, trying to figure out whether I've managed to hit a key I wanted to.

It's not hard to imagine I can become even faster if I actually manage to train myself to touch-type... That's right. I can do upwards of 85 WPM without touch-typing. And I do it without having to resort to these newfangled ways of mangling languages the kids have all managed to learn. (and get off of my lawn while you're trying to type, you durned kids!)

What I don't like about Model Ms

With all these raving and proclamations that I'd go gay over a piece of computer peripheral, you'd be forgiven to think that I'm unable to criticize it. Not so. As much as I love my Model M, there are things I wish it had or didn't have.

One of the things that have always irked me, starting from when I first learned how to be discerning about my equipment, is the placement of the Caps Lock key. It's a useless piece of trash that ought to be taken out back and shot, along with the moron who invented it, as well as the idiot who first thought it'd be cool to place it in prime real estate.

Aside from trolls and Internet kiddies and yahoos, nobody really uses that damned key. Oh, sure, you may turn it on every once in a while, but I can, without exaggeration, counter every single use you can think for it with a rational discussion of why you'd be better off without it. On every computer I've had to use for longer than 15 minutes in a stretch, I've remapped the Caps Lock key so that it acts as another Control key.

Unfortunately, even the very first Model Ms have made the capital mistake of putting the Caps Lock key where a Control key ought to be. It's an annoyance, to be sure, one that can readily rectified on computers with a PS/2 port. Where it's a pain is on computers with USB-only ports.

You see, Model Ms are tough costumers for USB. You can't use just any PS/2-to-USB 'adapters'. The keyboard will work, sure (obviously, since I'm using my Model M right now), but it won't work properly. On setups like this, n-key rollover is pretty much a joke of an idea and the remapped Caps Lock key stops sending a modifier bit after a pause. The first spells disaster for fast typists, and one that's caused me much hair-pulling, while the second is doom for Emacs lovers. Since I'm both of those, I'm pretty much doubly-dead.

Also, the sheer size of the keyboard is a cause for troubles. I have no problem with the heft: I'm talking about the width. Who the hell uses the dedicated number pad on keyboards, anyway? Aside from hardcore spreadsheet jockeys, I know of no one who'd even touch the thing, except on a casual basis. And the arrow keys, as well as the attendant function keys (Insert, Home, Delete, &c.) are things I can definitely do without.

This is what attracted me to the HHK (described above) in the first place. All it has are the alphanumeric and function keys, along with the usuals like Control, Alt, Enter, Backspace, &c. Keyboard bliss. (Well, the HHK Lite 2 has arrow keys, but those can be excused.) This, to me, is keyboarding heaven.

I can go get a Model M SpaceSaver (if I could even find one these days), but that still leaves in more keys that I care to have in my keyboard. I'm considering getting a SpaceSaver with the proper key layout from Unicomp, but I'm not really ready to abandon my current Model M over this issue. Besides, even that item still has a ghoddamned Caps Lock key.

Final thoughts

If a computer use is a big part of your source of income, then you owe it to yourself to buy the best equipment you can possibly afford. This is especially true of keyboards—which, whether you like it or not, is still one's primary means of communicating with a computer; and your chair, wherein, if you're anything like me, you spend upwards of eight hours a day, every day. It's simply smart to invest in yourself, to ensure that you can continue to earn your keep.

You can get a Model M online at prices ranging from about $20 USD for used ones on eBay to about $100 USD for unopened, rare ones. Or you can get a newly-manufactured one from Unicomp for about $70 USD, who acquired the technology and related patents from Lexmark after they ceased manufacturing the Model Ms for IBM. While I'm not a big fan of Unicomp, since I have problems with their manufacturing process—the keyswitches are exactly the same, or so I'm told. My beef is that their keyboards are rather flimsier compared to actual Model Ms (except they're still above and beyond regular keyboards).

Even $20 USD may seem a lot to spend for a keyboard, and if you still think so, after having read through this post, then I can't do anything to convince you, and I probably just wated 20 minutes (or more!) of your time. However, if you amortize that cost over the typical lifetime of a Model M (20 years and still going strong for the first runs!), then it becomes just $3.50 USD per year, or 0.06 US cents per week (for the new ones). I spend more than that on cigarettes every day.

You don't have to get a Model M, of course: Any (real, and not flashy) premium keyboard will more than pay for itself in the course of your owning it. If it doesn't, then you made a bad choice, and should definitely go get yourself a real keyboard. My later researches led me to this invaluable guide to keyboard technology: this article is packed with information that makes keyboard fetishists like me drool. Go educate yourself on which keyswitch would be best suited for you, find a keyboard that uses it, then go knock yourself out (well, not literally).

EliteKeyboards sell mechanical keyboards that could be just as good as a Model M; I'm partial towards the Majestouch Tenkeyless "Otaku" myself. (Although, reading reviews, it seems their manufacturing process could use some bit of polish.) Or, if, you know, you've got money to burn (something I'm fervently wishing for), pick up an HHK Pro 2; supposedly, the Torpre capacitative keyswitches are even better than the buckling springs of Model Ms.

Also, just to make this post complete, I'd like to state for the record that, as unsurpassed the Model M is at this point, I wish I could still have the perfect keyboard: Form factor and layout of the original HHK (with the USB-hub capabilities of the later generations), mechanical switch of the original Model Ms, n-key rollover and probably a USB connection.

(Update: I found one, and its name is the Guru Board, except it never even got to an initial production run.)

Special tip for Filipinos

If you're convinced that you should get a Model M for yourself, but don't have the money to burn, and don't know of a special little shop in the metro, then I might be able to help you.

I got my keyboard from a warehouse (along with two other Model Ms) that apparently don't know what they're selling. Aside from said Model Ms, I also found a Unisys-branded keyboard using black Cherry MX switches, as well as a Dell-branded membrane keyboard that, while still mushy, at least still feels better than regular keyboards.

In closing, GO BUY A REAL KEYBOARD! Your hands will thank you!